Choose Happiness

A number of years ago, I attended a weekend seminar.  The leader began the first session by writing a sentence on the flip chart.  "I can, by a decision of my will, change my state of being."  That startled me.  At first, I thought it couldn't be true because if it were we would all be happy all the time.  Who wouldn't choose happiness over anger or sadness?

The next time I  became angry, I did remember the statement and found out immediately it was true.  I could choose to drop my anger.  However, I was surprised to discover that I didn't want to - I wanted to stay angry.  I felt justified in blaming the other person for my feelings.

I finally did decide to stop being angry.  Then a strange thing happened, an unexpected bonus.  I felt a new sense of power.  I experienced a degree of control over my own life that I hadn't realized possible.  I was no longer at the mercy of people who could "push my buttons".  I could actually choose my state of being.

Through the years, there have been many opportunities to apply this idea.  I've discovered that I can apply it to all emotions.  I'm convinced that there are alternatives to fear, anger, or hurt feelings.  We can't always choose our circumstances, but we can choose our responses.  We can decide to have honest dialogue, to understand, to forgive, and to accept.  It's this choice that determines our misery or our happiness.

Pixie Koestline Hammond
California

Interesting Times

May you live in interesting times


Some say it is a Chinese curse, but whatever it is I prefer to think of it as a life filled with possibilities.  Interesting can encompass so much.  It’s interesting to go on a trip, to learn a new craft, to spend time with friends and so many more things.  It is one of the hardest things I have ever done, to look at a problem as “interesting”.  When faced with a problem it is not always easy at first for me to see the interesting possibilities that reside within it.  All problems come with possibilities and it’s taken me a long time to learn that it is my choices that make the problem “interesting”.  It’s a scary path that I’m looking to take and I’m not sure what I will find along the way, but then again life is not always easy but it should at least be interesting.

Heroism

Heroism: doing something that others are too afraid to do.

What is heroism? Besides all of the cute little sayings, what does heroism mean to YOU. Heroes are not super people. They are not infallible. They make mistakes and sometimes are not very nice people to be around. They may drink too much, sleep in too late, refuse to work, work too much, live in hostile environments, live in easy and social environments. No one needs to be a wonderful person to be a hero. There are times when people become heroes without doing anything other than what they have always done. So what does it take to be a hero? Hero is a title that others label a person with and is not something that can be achieved on one’s own.

Each person defines hero just a little differently. Perhaps your hero is someone who fights in wars, feeds the hunger, stops abuse, or makes it to the top of the corporate ladder. The true definition for hero is – the person you want to be.

Cogs or People?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about cogs and people.  A cog gets worn out from overuse, is good for a specific job and is easily replaceable.  A person gets worn out from long hours and little vacation, is good for a multitude of jobs and is not easily replaceable because each person incorporates their own personality into their jobs.

So why do companies assume that people are easily replaceable?  Companies tout innovation but feel that it’s no big deal to replace people.  They mistake people for cogs, working them long hours with little chance of vacation, keep them in the same job for years with no chance of advancement, and replacement them for darn near any reason – the economy is tight, someone is too outspoken, etc…

I suppose when a company is a factory making the same parts over and over then people are more like cogs and can be replaced more easily, but when the company employees deal face to face with customers then people become so much more valuable.  People and customers develop a connection over time, they become attuned to each other, and it is this connection that provides a platform for innovation – dreaming up ways in which to help the customer and make/save money at the same time.  When a person is replaced then that connection is broken.  It will take that much longer for a customer to be willing to develop a connection with a new person and that connection is likely to never be as strong as it was with the previous person.  The customer begins to feel that the company doesn’t really care since they keep changing the people working with the customer; trust is lost.

The moral of this little vignette?  People are not cogs; they are a valuable resource that a company needs to make use of in a way to ensure a long and productive life cycle.

Communication is the message received by the customer, not the message sent by the company.

Being Me

I’m slowly coming to the realization that I’m not destined to be a size 8.  It just isn’t going to happen in this lifetime, and maybe not even in the next one.  There are so many other things that I would rather do than obsess about my weight or whether I’m eating only organic food.  So let me introduce myself by telling you who I am besides being overweight.

I’m a person who loves people.  I love animals and being outside.  I love to take photographs of small up-close things like flowers and caterpillars as it reminds me to stop and recognize the beauty in everything around us.  I have 4 kids who drive me to distraction but I’m so proud of them and so happy they have chosen me to be their mother.

I get angry and frustrated sometimes, with myself and with others around me.  I hate politics but I love my country.  I cry and laugh and giggle and sigh.  I love the night but purr like a happy kitten when in the sun.  I love being near and in the water and I dream of someday owning a cabin in the mountains that is not too rugged nor too far away from other people. 

I’m an extravert who still needs her quiet time.  I love to read everything from gushy romance to mysteries to horror to sci-fi.  I’m slowly working on my Bachelor’s degree in Communications because I believe that a lot of issues could be resolved with proper communication.   I have hopes and dreams that someday I will meet my true partner – someone that I can not only love but also respect.

I’m so much more than my outward shell and yet when people see me, who do they really see?  Do they see an overweight, inching towards middle-age woman or do they see a person with hopes and dreams and aspirations?  Do they see someone who encompasses what it means to be a friend or do they see someone who they believe doesn’t care about herself?  

I love me and I’m even coming to understand that I love me just as I am.

A Salute To The Brave

Every war brings atrocities committed by both sides, but in the midst of atrocities are the untold stories of heroes who risked all to save others from unimaginable horrors.  These men and women believe in the American way of life, with all its glitz and glamor, with all of its honor and courage and freedoms.  As I view pictures of the Freedom Rock I am struck by a sense of awe that these people, and so many more, have fought so that you and I might have the freedom to live as we choose, freedom to bash our government, to protest, to vote how we wish and even the freedom to decide not to vote at all.  They fought hatred and prejudice.  They fought genocide, starvation, slavery and the slow death of defeat of the human spirit.  These men and women have earned my respect simply by standing up to join the fight.  They earned my gratitude by leaving their homes and families to go where I dare not tread, so that I could stay home with my family.  They earned my love by standing up to tyrants and dictators and hate-mongers, working to free people who many times reviled the very people who were there to help them. 

It doesn’t matter whether you believe in the American government.  What matters is whether you believe that every man, woman and child should have the right to make their own decisions for good or bad.  That no one anywhere should force another to follow a set religion or culture.  That no one anywhere should be made to slave for another while their own families are left to die.  Those who fight for freedom have shown courage that I can only be in awe of and I bow down to them as the heroes of life that they are.

An excerpt from “No Peaceful Warriors!” by Ambrose Hollingworth Redmoon

                “Peaceful warrior” is far more than a contradiction in terms.  The function of a warrior is to eliminate an exterior enemy presence… Cowardice is a serious vice.  Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than one’s fear.  The timid presume it is lack of fear that allows  the brave to act when the timid do not.  But to take action when one is not afraid is easy.  To refrain when afraid is also easy.  To take action regardless of fear is brave.”

Just the Facts

Some people subscribe to the notion that only facts sell, while others subscribe to the emotion that it is the story that sells.  I subscribe to the notion that it is a combination of facts and story. 

I want X to be happy

I need X to be happy

The “I want” is the story and it is something that must be brought out in people in order to make a sale.  But the “I need” is a fact.  People only NEED food, shelter and water.  The rest are simply wants.  But there are many layers of facts in between.  The key is to find a way to turn the “I want” into a fact so that it can be sold as an “I need”.  Thus the car commercials that talks about the high level of safety that their product has, and shows videos of the test dummies driving the car into a wall.  The want becomes the need – because people need to be safe in order to survive.  Or look at the commercials that tell a story of happy kids eating breakfast. It displays both want and need.  Kids need food, but the commercial sells the story of happy kids which completes the sale – parents like happy kids and the peace of mind that comes from knowing that their kids are fed AND happy.

So I propose that both facts and stories are needed in any proposition, even for us.  After all we are constantly attempting to sell ourselves – to our friends (here is why you should be my friend), to employers (here is why you should promote me or give me a raise), even to ourselves (this is why I am successful).  Find the fact behind the idea, service or product and then spin the story around it.  Want a raise?  Show the facts – how much revenue you’ve generated for the company, how you’ve improved processes, even how you’ve been an exemplary employee – and then spin the story – how the company can show it’s appreciation by giving you a raise.