Being Me

I was reading an article today that talked about how, to gain confidence in ourselves we should find someone who is confident and then model their behavior, their beliefs and their actions.

I don’t believe that to be true.  If I model someone else, then I am not being true to myself – in fact I will no longer be myself and in the end that only leads to dissatisfaction and disillusionment. 

So to gain confidence in myself I had to first find out who I was.  I spent time with myself, learning what I liked and didn’t like, learning how I reacted in various situations and taking some classes to help facilitate my understanding of myself.  I found out quite a bit about myself – my strengths and my weaknesses.  Using this information I am now able to map out those things that I want to change and those things that I want to expand upon.  I can make a plan on how I want to be in a year, 5 years, 10 years.  My next step is to just do it – take some small step towards reaching my goal.  I want to be a better mother, to have a closer relationship with my children, thus I am going to take a break from my schooling in order to spend more time with my children.  All of us love jigsaw puzzles so I’ve picked out one already and we are going to begin this week – putting together the puzzle as we talk about the day’s events.  Just being there with them more will be a good first step in developing a better relationship.

So I’m not going to model someone else’s behaviors, I’m going to strike out on my own and develop my own set of behaviors by which I want to live.  

Life Commandments

It came to my attention last night that I have been taught throughout my life that my opinions are not valued.  We were doing some communication exercises, one in which I was the “speaker” so I was talking about my childhood fear of bees.  I kept repeating throughout my story of how it was an irrational fear and that statement was questioned by the “listener”.  He wanted to know why I thought it was an irrational fear when I had told him that I got stung a lot as a child – that question made me stop and think, why did I call it an irrational fear?  And then it dawned on me that my parents had told me over and over again that my fear of bees was irrational, told me this so often that I came to believe it even to this day. This belief that I have been taught is what is termed a life commandment – something that I live my life by to some degree.  Some life commandments are good, such as being taught to brush your teeth morning and night, but others like the above example can be damaging and cause us to question who we are.  The key is to learn to recognize these life commandments, sort the good from the bad, and then break the bad ones.  I don’t know yet how I will tackle breaking the life commandment that has taught me that my opinions have no value, but it is good that I now recognize it as an incorrect belief.  And as I tackle this one, perhaps I will be able to uncover more life commandments that need to be modified, one step at a time.

Innovators and Ritualists

According to Robert Merton, an American sociologist of the early twentieth century, societies have socially acceptable goals and the acceptable means to reach these goals.  However, there are those subgroups that are not able to use the means to reach the goals, thus they become innovators in order to reach the goals.  In this case an innovator is not what we have come to expect, but rather is someone who found a way to reach the goal through non-acceptable means, and I find this to be a very apt description of who an innovator truly is.  Let’s take this into the workplace….

Many companies say they value innovation, and there are some that truly do value innovation for it is with innovation that comes new ways, often more efficient ways of reaching a desired goal such as an increase in the customer base.  But most companies do not encourage innovation and will in fact reprimand those who attempt to be innovative.  I cannot even begin to name the number of times that I brought an idea before management only to be verbally patted on the head and told to go do my “real” job.   

Merton goes on to talk about those who follow the means to reach a goal without really caring about the goal itself, and labels these people as ritualists.  I propose that those companies who say they value innovation but do not actively pursue employees who can be innovators are in fact ritualists.  They come into the office each morning doing the same things they have done every day, spinning their wheels and wondering why their customer base is dwindling.  They may in fact even change an aspect of their daily work habits thinking that they are innovative but in fact they are standing still and digging themselves deeper into the same rut. 

Being innovative means to find new ways, currently unacceptable ways, to reach the desired goal.  If a company really wants to be innovative perhaps they should enable their employees to be innovative rather than squashing the passion and desire to excel.

Change is a myth

I’m told that like it or not change is a part of today’s business climate and for those who do not embrace change there is always unemployment.  I say phooey!  What is seen in so many businesses is the exact opposite – no change.  Oh, they may move a department here and a re-assign a person there but that is not change that is making busy work.  But if this is true, then why are there so many people eager to say that the business climate is constantly changing and we all have to jump on board?  I believe it is because what little change there is is not communicated down through the ranks so that even the smallest movement of perceived change is like a huge tidal wave crashing over everyone in the company.  If no one talks to you about how moving you to a different department will benefit the company, then the perceived change is going to be HUGE, even though no real change has occurred.  So instead of a company spinning its wheels and paying a fortune for someone to teach them how to change, why not take the time to teach the employees how change can make a difference?  Once that is accomplished the majority of the company will be willing to jump on the bandwagon of change and instead of a bumpy ride it will be relatively smooth sailing. 

Empathy and Sociological Imagination

Marketing begins with empathy which in turn begins with sociological imagination.  In order to empathize with someone, we need to be able to imagine what it’s like to be them – not just to be in their shoes, but to really be them.  What are their beliefs, their fears, and their culture.  Understanding where someone is coming from enables us to look beyond ourselves, to reach the other person, and to connect to that person. This imagination, this attempt to understand where someone else is coming from is called sociological imagination and can enable us to successfully interact with other people who are not from our own culture.  It is something that marketers the world over must do before they even think about selling a product, a service, or even themselves.  So, to bring this full circle, to successfully sell to another person, we must first be able to reach that person.  To successfully reach that person we must be able to imagine what it must be like to be that person – and that, my friend, is what empathy is all about.