Because, because, because (or how I got where I am)

Because, because, because.  Not too long ago a friend gave a speech about how things have happened because other things had happened.  It got me to thinking about my own life, and what I realized was that while people throughout my life might have said that I made some poor choices, I am where I am because of those choices.  I would never say that going through a divorce was easy, but I would never have made it to the place I am in now without having gone through divorce.  And I would not have gone through divorce if I had not decided I didn't know what to do with my life so I was going to join the Army.  And I never would have decided to join the Army if I hadn't been dissatisfied with my life.  See?  All those years ago, because I was dissatisfied I ended up in an emotionally and spiritually better place. 

A little story that he told, one that he had in turn heard from somewhere else was along these lines:

In a small village there was a man who owned a horse.  Everyone in the village told him how fortunate he was because he could do so much more farming, thus make more money.  All the man said in reply was "we'll see". Not too long later, the man's son was attempting to ride the horse, when the horse threw him and he broke his leg.  Now the villagers told the  man how sorry they were that he owned the horse since it caused his son such pain.  All the man said was "we'll see".  A week later the army came through the village conscripting all young able-bodied men, but because the son had a broken leg, he was not conscripted.  At this the villagers told him how lucky he was that his son had broken his leg.  All the man said was "we'll see". 

There is more to the story, but you get the gist of it now.  The point is that good or bad it doesn't really matter.  What happens is what happens and will determine the choices that you will have to make down the road.  These choices is what will determine the kind of person you are.  It's not that everything happens for a reason as some people would point out.  Its more that when everything happens, it inevitably leads to other things that can then happen.

Almost 6 months ago I was told that I would become a Software Trainer or I would need to find a new job.  I was devastated because as a Software Trainer I would be required to travel 50 - 75% of every month.  As a single mom with 4 kids, that much travelling is just not feasible, but how would I support the family if I quit?  I didn't know what to do, but after talking to the kids, I thought that I would give it a few months and then see where I was at that time.  It's a good thing that I did wait, because a few months after that my whole department was moved under a different VP.  This one was very interested in having me set up an online training program which I will head up.  This means that I won't have to travel at all!  I really enjoy working with people, talking to them, and helping them to learn the software.  Because of the forced move, I was able to do something that I really enjoy without the negative consequences.

So the next time I want to cry because some terrible thing is happening to me, I can think of the man in the village and tell myself "we'll see". 

Line Dancing for Left-footed people

I went to line dancing lessons this afternoon.  I didn't really know what to expect, but I knew enough to know that line dancing is not just country music, but includes everything from oldies to the latest rock.  Needless to say I had a blast tripping over my own feet. For most of the dances, I am suppose to start out with my right foot, but I instinctively keep wanting to lead with my left foot, so then I'm off the rest of the dance and it's almost impossible to get caught up again.  There is something about turning during the steps that just throws me off balance. I can just picture myself falling over in the middle of the dance floor, lol.  What a riot! I think the hardest part was the steps where I was required to cross over my feet.  Ugh! Trying to watch the instructors and at the same time listening to their words - "now to the right, step, step, touch. And back, one, two, three. Now left vine" - it is a lot more work than I thought it would be.  After 30 minutes I was downing water like I just came in from the desert.  

Part of the fun was watching everyone else trying to figure out the steps, although there was one woman there, she was just bouncing all over the place with nary a misstep in sight.   some people are born with happy feet and some of us aren't so lucky.  I can't wait till the next lesson!  I can just hear the instructors now "Tonia, I said left vine, not right trip", lol. Ah the joys of making a fool of oneself - just goes to show how much fun new experiences can be. 

Thank you

10 years ago I never thought I would be where I am today.  I never thought it would be better or worse, just that it would be.  Life is constantly changing, constantly evolving, and we change right along with it.  10 years ago I only had 2 children and thought I would be married forever.  10 years ago I thought that I would be in my dream job.  10 years ago I didn't understand the pain of losing my dad, going through a divorce, or trying to do a job where my ideas aren't wanted.  But at the same time, 10 years ago I didn't know such wonderful people, I didn't understand the joy that comes with raising small children again. I didn't understand how as children grow, they become more like friends - ones that you can joke with, have fun with, cry with, and that will always understand your weird ideas.  10 years ago I hadn't yet had the experiences that have put me on the path to my dream job.  I didn't understand that through pain comes the joy of being able to help someone else, and of knowing that I can make it on my own and be ok. 

So if you ask me if I would ever want to go back and redo the last 10 years, my answer would be no.  For every pain I have had joy, for every tear I have had laughter, for every experience I have gained wisdom and I wouldn't give any of it up.  I appreciate the past for the experiences it has given me, I look towards the future that I am building for myself, and I simply enjoy the present for never again will this exact moment ever be repeated. 

And because of all of this, I want to thank some of the people I consider my greatest friends.  They accepted me for who I am, and stayed by my side during the roughest moments of my life.  Thank you Rachel, James, Jeff, Wendy, Nick.  Thank you D&S for showing me the power of listening to another person, without question, hesitation, or condemnation.  Thank you Bob, Angela, Tiffany, Mickey, Joe, Bev, Terri, and Donna.  For without you I would still be floundering in the waves.