Cogs or People?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about cogs and people.  A cog gets worn out from overuse, is good for a specific job and is easily replaceable.  A person gets worn out from long hours and little vacation, is good for a multitude of jobs and is not easily replaceable because each person incorporates their own personality into their jobs.

So why do companies assume that people are easily replaceable?  Companies tout innovation but feel that it’s no big deal to replace people.  They mistake people for cogs, working them long hours with little chance of vacation, keep them in the same job for years with no chance of advancement, and replacement them for darn near any reason – the economy is tight, someone is too outspoken, etc…

I suppose when a company is a factory making the same parts over and over then people are more like cogs and can be replaced more easily, but when the company employees deal face to face with customers then people become so much more valuable.  People and customers develop a connection over time, they become attuned to each other, and it is this connection that provides a platform for innovation – dreaming up ways in which to help the customer and make/save money at the same time.  When a person is replaced then that connection is broken.  It will take that much longer for a customer to be willing to develop a connection with a new person and that connection is likely to never be as strong as it was with the previous person.  The customer begins to feel that the company doesn’t really care since they keep changing the people working with the customer; trust is lost.

The moral of this little vignette?  People are not cogs; they are a valuable resource that a company needs to make use of in a way to ensure a long and productive life cycle.

Communication is the message received by the customer, not the message sent by the company.

Being Me

I’m slowly coming to the realization that I’m not destined to be a size 8.  It just isn’t going to happen in this lifetime, and maybe not even in the next one.  There are so many other things that I would rather do than obsess about my weight or whether I’m eating only organic food.  So let me introduce myself by telling you who I am besides being overweight.

I’m a person who loves people.  I love animals and being outside.  I love to take photographs of small up-close things like flowers and caterpillars as it reminds me to stop and recognize the beauty in everything around us.  I have 4 kids who drive me to distraction but I’m so proud of them and so happy they have chosen me to be their mother.

I get angry and frustrated sometimes, with myself and with others around me.  I hate politics but I love my country.  I cry and laugh and giggle and sigh.  I love the night but purr like a happy kitten when in the sun.  I love being near and in the water and I dream of someday owning a cabin in the mountains that is not too rugged nor too far away from other people. 

I’m an extravert who still needs her quiet time.  I love to read everything from gushy romance to mysteries to horror to sci-fi.  I’m slowly working on my Bachelor’s degree in Communications because I believe that a lot of issues could be resolved with proper communication.   I have hopes and dreams that someday I will meet my true partner – someone that I can not only love but also respect.

I’m so much more than my outward shell and yet when people see me, who do they really see?  Do they see an overweight, inching towards middle-age woman or do they see a person with hopes and dreams and aspirations?  Do they see someone who encompasses what it means to be a friend or do they see someone who they believe doesn’t care about herself?  

I love me and I’m even coming to understand that I love me just as I am.

A Salute To The Brave

Every war brings atrocities committed by both sides, but in the midst of atrocities are the untold stories of heroes who risked all to save others from unimaginable horrors.  These men and women believe in the American way of life, with all its glitz and glamor, with all of its honor and courage and freedoms.  As I view pictures of the Freedom Rock I am struck by a sense of awe that these people, and so many more, have fought so that you and I might have the freedom to live as we choose, freedom to bash our government, to protest, to vote how we wish and even the freedom to decide not to vote at all.  They fought hatred and prejudice.  They fought genocide, starvation, slavery and the slow death of defeat of the human spirit.  These men and women have earned my respect simply by standing up to join the fight.  They earned my gratitude by leaving their homes and families to go where I dare not tread, so that I could stay home with my family.  They earned my love by standing up to tyrants and dictators and hate-mongers, working to free people who many times reviled the very people who were there to help them. 

It doesn’t matter whether you believe in the American government.  What matters is whether you believe that every man, woman and child should have the right to make their own decisions for good or bad.  That no one anywhere should force another to follow a set religion or culture.  That no one anywhere should be made to slave for another while their own families are left to die.  Those who fight for freedom have shown courage that I can only be in awe of and I bow down to them as the heroes of life that they are.

An excerpt from “No Peaceful Warriors!” by Ambrose Hollingworth Redmoon

                “Peaceful warrior” is far more than a contradiction in terms.  The function of a warrior is to eliminate an exterior enemy presence… Cowardice is a serious vice.  Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than one’s fear.  The timid presume it is lack of fear that allows  the brave to act when the timid do not.  But to take action when one is not afraid is easy.  To refrain when afraid is also easy.  To take action regardless of fear is brave.”

Just the Facts

Some people subscribe to the notion that only facts sell, while others subscribe to the emotion that it is the story that sells.  I subscribe to the notion that it is a combination of facts and story. 

I want X to be happy

I need X to be happy

The “I want” is the story and it is something that must be brought out in people in order to make a sale.  But the “I need” is a fact.  People only NEED food, shelter and water.  The rest are simply wants.  But there are many layers of facts in between.  The key is to find a way to turn the “I want” into a fact so that it can be sold as an “I need”.  Thus the car commercials that talks about the high level of safety that their product has, and shows videos of the test dummies driving the car into a wall.  The want becomes the need – because people need to be safe in order to survive.  Or look at the commercials that tell a story of happy kids eating breakfast. It displays both want and need.  Kids need food, but the commercial sells the story of happy kids which completes the sale – parents like happy kids and the peace of mind that comes from knowing that their kids are fed AND happy.

So I propose that both facts and stories are needed in any proposition, even for us.  After all we are constantly attempting to sell ourselves – to our friends (here is why you should be my friend), to employers (here is why you should promote me or give me a raise), even to ourselves (this is why I am successful).  Find the fact behind the idea, service or product and then spin the story around it.  Want a raise?  Show the facts – how much revenue you’ve generated for the company, how you’ve improved processes, even how you’ve been an exemplary employee – and then spin the story – how the company can show it’s appreciation by giving you a raise.

Facing Fears

This morning I sent out the reminder email to my support divorce group that our speaker this week is Russ Clark talking about facing our fears.  This afternoon I read a short article on 9 ways to face your fears – is it a coincidental?.  I have found that when I need to hear something, it keeps hitting me in the face until I start paying attention.  So I’m assuming that it’s long past time I really started facing my fears instead of just tiptoeing around them.  We all have fears, mine have to deal with wondering if I’m really “good” enough; good enough for someone to want to be friends with, good enough to finally make something of myself, good enough….. well, you get the idea.  Logically I know that this is just garbage – of course I’m good enough, but emotionally those fears are very real and still haunt me.  Here is the list from the article that I was reading, along with my own observations:

1.            1. Yell at them – tell them to go to a place where there are no lemonade stands.

I don’t know how to yell at my fears.  But perhaps it is more about finally getting angry enough to tell them to get lost.  After all, how dare they interrupt my life and try to dictate to me how to live.  The reality for me though is that I need to actually be willing to face them, to look them in the eye and tell them that I’m done and will be taking steps to eradicate them from my life.  Now I just have to go out and do it.

2.           2.  Laugh at them – a good technique: start with “ha” and end with “hee”.

I’ve been told, and I’ve read that visualizing something makes it easier to believe it and to live life in the best way to make “it” happen.  So it stands to reason that if I laugh at my fears along enough – visualize it at least – eventually I will be able to laugh at my fears.  Hmmm, perhaps some more thought is needed on this one.

3.            3. Talk about them – preferably to a friend, over a cup of strong coffee.

As an ENFJ (my Myers-Briggs type), for me to figure out how to conquer my fears I need to talk about them.  For some reason talking about something always brings to mind ways to make “it” happen; kind of like mega-visualizing I think.  Writing is almost as good as talking so I’m using this as a chance to plan out what steps to take to face and conquer my fears.

4.            4. Scare them away – any mask will do, but any beast or vampire getup is particularly effective.

Again, how do I scare away my fears?  My fears are scary in and of themselves, at least to me they are. But maybe instead I can follow the next item: dressing them up.

5.            5. Dress them up – with the right attire and hairdo, you can make anything seem attractive and desirable (to someone else), right?

By dressing up my fears I can help them to look silly and thus of little importance.  So now I need to figure out how to dress them up.  Perhaps something like putting them in a play – “A Play On How Tonia Doesn’t Think She’s Good Enough (The Silly Girl)”.  I can visualize (hey! Maybe this visualizing stuff does work!) my superhero ego flying in to “slay” the dragon of fear.  Right through the heart goes the sword of truth and down, down, down goes Fear to never more roam the world.

6.            6. Harness them – if they are under your control, you don’t have to worry about them.

When I get angry, really angry, I get a lot of energy.  The key is to harness that energy for positive changes rather than negative ones.  By harnessing my fears I can better create a cognitive map to reach my goals.  A cognitive map has a goal at one end and a bunch of little and manageable steps that I can take to get me there.  I can put a muzzle on my fear one step at a time until it is far behind me and I’ve reached my goal.

7.            7. Interrogate them – ask them the hard questions, including: where, what, why, when, and how.  Then get a mug shot.

I read a lot and the other day I was reading a blog post “Investigate Your Mind!”  It talked about asking questions to get to the real truth behind any lie or self-doubt.  So by interrogating my fears I can ask: Is that thought true?  Can I be absolutely certain that it is true?  What is the evidence in support of that though?  What is the evidence against that thought?  What might be a more realistic and true thought?

8.            8. Bully them – boss them around like the scary dude in fifth grade who made you cry.  You’re bigger than they are – don’t let them forget it. 

After all I am in charge of my own life.  My fear only has as much power as I am willing to give it.  As Denis Waitley wrote in another wonderful newsletter article:

“The perceptions we hold of ourselves, or our self-images, determine the kind and scope of people we are; our self-images are our life, controlling mechanisms that dwell at the subconscious level of thinking. Responsible for autonomic body control, such as breathing and heartbeat, and also for storing conditioned reflexes (repeated skills or images), the subconscious can be compared to a navigational guidance system or automatic pilot. The conscious level of thinking, responsible for collecting information from the environment, storing it in the memory and making rational decisions, can be compared to an attorney or judge…. During every moment of our lives, we program our self-image to work for us or against us. It strives to meet the objectives we set for it, regardless of whether they are positive or negative, true or false or safe or dangerous. Like a videotape recorder playing its cassette, its sole function is to follow instructions implicitly, based upon previous inputs.”

9.            9. Free them – let them go.  Tell them to have fun, but not to come back.

Letting them go can happen, but only when I am ready to let it happen.  I can let the fears go now – after all I am in charge, or I can wait until I’ve taken what I believe to be the necessary steps to “fix” the fears.  Either way, letting them go is much shunning them.  I no longer even bother to acknowledge them – for me they no longer exist.

Links to the articles:

“Investigate Your Mind!”

http://www.lifeafteryourdivorce.com/newsletters/newsletter2011-08.html

“Your Automatic Pilot to Goal Achievement”

http://www.success.com/deniswaitley/newsletter_archive/2011/august/dw_issue188_web.html?utm_source=dwn_2011-08-09&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=newsletters

“9 Ways to Face Your Fears”

http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/Emotional-Health/Depression/9-Ways-to-Face-Your-Fears.aspx?source=NEWSLETTER&nlsource=44&ppc=&utm_campaign=HealthHealing&utm_source=NL&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_term=yahoo.com

The Journey

At life's crossroads I stand alone,
Trying to decide which way to go.
Paths that lead to who knows where,
All marked with signs "Danger is there".
Paths that show signs of turmoil and strife,
But also bright patches of sunny light.
Someone suggests I take the right,
The better to avoid the dangerous heights.
Another tells me to take the left,
Says it leads to the better path.
It's up to me which one to choose,
No one can tell me what I might loose.
Nor even if I might gain,
A life that is free from all the pain.
The choice I make will decide for me,
Which lessons life will send to me.
No path is ever free from pain,
No path is entirely sane.
All I can do is struggle through,
And finish this path with fortitude.
If I falter if I stop,
Life's journey will be over and I will be lost.

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There is always a choice

It is oh so easy to blame circumstances outside of ourselves for the way things turned out.  It is the boss’s fault that you didn’t get promoted.  It is the spouse’s fault that you are unhappy.  It is the cat’s fault that there is hair all over the house.  Well, you get the idea; it is always someone else’s fault.  While it’s true that we often don’t have control over what happens to us (after all cats will shed hair), it is in our control to decide how we act to what happens and to take steps to change things.  Tired of the hair all over the furniture?  You have several options which include getting rid of the cat all the way over to hiring a cleaning service to come in once a week to clean the house.  But regardless of what you choose to do about the cat, most of all it is important to realize that our attitude plays a huge role in what we realize we can do about our situation.

Sometimes bad stuff happens to us and there is nothing we can do about.  A car flies through a red light and hits our car.  We didn’t have any choice in what happened, but we do have a choice in how we respond to the situation.  We can stay a victim or we can take charge of ourselves and respond to the accident in a way to put it behind us as a lesson learned.  Perhaps the lesson learned in this case is to look both ways at every intersection.  

If you are so far into the pits as to not be able to take steps back and look at all of your options then ask a friend to help you.  There are choices in every situation.  Some choices can be hard to make, but the first step towards any solution is to realize that there are choices and that we are not powerless.  

Itchy feet

Ever get that “itching” feeling?  Where nothing is really satisfying anymore and you just wish there was something else that you could do?  I get that feeling from time to time and I never really understood it, just knew that I needed to do something different.  Often I would look to take a business trip, and when I was back in the office the itchy feeling would be gone.  But now I no longer travel and so I’ve got to find a new outlet. The old me is no longer satisfying, so perhaps it’s time to find a new me.  It recently came to my attention that I have a lot of emotional baggage that I didn’t even realize I had.  It’s going to be a large project tackling that baggage and I bet by the end of the journey I’ll be a new me and that itchy feeling will be gone, at least for a time.  It’s a scary path that I’m looking to take and I’m not sure what I will find along the way, but then again life is not always easy but it should at least be interesting. 

Does the environment matter?

As I sit at the camp fire I can't help but wonder about the effect the environment has on our communication style. At home my two teenagers bicker and argue constantly, but out here under the star they act almost as a team and seem to be on the same conversational wavelength. And so I wonder why.

Do we communicate differently outside our natural environment? I think we do. How we communicate at home, at work, during play can vary quite a bit. So which is "real"? Or are they all real?

I've learned accepted ways to communicate at work, ways that I would never think to use with friends. And at home I am again a different person, so can these communication styles work in tandem with each other? I think they can, even must work in tandem if we want to be successful in all areas of our lives. Jokes told during play time are not always appropriate at work, and the dictorial attitude I have at home would get me in trouble with friends. Yet each are necessary in their own time and place; so I think the key is to understand that the environment does indeed affect how and why we communicate and to use the appropriate style at the appropriate time.

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The Hassles With Staying Connected

A few days ago my phone took a nose dive into the bathtub as I was giving Daniel his bath. It was one of those Nay life flashed before my eyes" moments as I realized that I was no longer connected. I couldn't call out, couldn't receive calls, couldn't check my email, get on Facebook or anything else that I am so use to doing. How was I going to survive? My daughter assured me that leaving the battery out overnight would fix the problem so I took out the battery and cried myself to sleep. The next morning my phone did indeed work...... sort of. While I could receive calls, I couldn't view the screen so nothing was going out and I couldn't check texts or anything . All morning all I could think about was how I could be missing a REALLY IMPORTANT phone call or some such other unlikely occurrence. Finally at 10:30 that morning I couldn't take it anymore so I took an early lunch and went to my local Verizon store to see about an upgrade. Why do they call it an upgrade when it still cost me$ 150 (after rebate) to replace my phone?

So now I have a new phone which I have to spend time figuring out. For instance, all of my alps didn't download and the phone isn't reading my memory card . But at least I am once again CONNECTED and am even writing this from my phone.

Connected in Ohio signing off.

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Do Overs

We all say things like “If I could do my life over I would …….”  Perhaps we think we would spend more time with children or family.  Perhaps we think we would strive harder at work or take more time off to relax and watch the clouds go by.  But would we really?  If we would do these things now then why didn’t we the first time around?  What stopped us from living that “perfect” life?  Is there some obstacle that held us back from achieving those goals?  Instead of living in the past thinking what ifs perhaps we should live in the present and work to remove the obstacles that hindered us the first time around.  Then when we say “I would have done things differently”, we can actually do it NOW.  It’s always better late than never.

Job satisfaction IS the bottom line

Trying to increase the bottom line is all well and good, but what happens when a company’s actions actually hurt the bottom line?  One such strategy often used is to move people around, moving them from one department to another as jobs are consolidated or even removed.  Such a thing actually happened to me and I propose that it cost the company more in the long run than what they supposedly gained.

I know people who love to write training manuals, but that is not me.  I need the human interaction, the constantly evolving process that comes with interacting with different customers under different circumstances.  I had successfully applied to become a Project Manager and absolutely loved the job as it fulfilled all of my job requirements.  I was constantly working on different projects – projects that had a start and finish so I could get a sense of accomplishment.  Plus my customers looked to me to help them improve office efficiencies.  I love taking something and making it better, it’s in my blood.  Then the unimaginable happened, they eliminated my position and moved me into Documentation.  I was put in charge of writing training manuals of all things.  Imagine, limited customer interaction, the same writing assignments day after day, month after month, year after year, with no end in sight.  At no point was the project ever finished since the software was constantly evolving.  I felt as though I was suffocating and it became inevitable that I began to dread going to work.  Dreading work in turn stressed me out because I have always defined a part of my self by my work – the better work I produce, the better person I am.  I began to take sick days on a regular basis – I couldn’t stomach another day of looking at a computer screen and typing the same things over and over.  There were other mitigating factors that involved my new position, factors that amplified my unhappiness and unproductiveness. All of this finally came to a head where I just gave up.  No more inventiveness, no more trying to go beyond the expected, no more trying to find better and cheaper ways to do my job.  I simply came in and did only the bare minimum.  Does the company know how much they loss in potential revenue?  Probably not. 

I finally was moved into a different position that has taken me back into my beloved customer interaction, but after 4 years of stress, depression, and a sense of hopelessness I will never be back in the game.  I will never get to the point where I actively look for ways to bring profits into the company.  Being a small company, that will hurt the bottom line, but again I doubt that the company really understands this.  I still get ideas, great ideas, but I no longer put them forward – I’m tired of being considered “only” a trainer. 

My bottom line?  A happy employee is a productive employee – especially in a specialized field, within a small company where people are not always replaceable.

Being Me

I was reading an article today that talked about how, to gain confidence in ourselves we should find someone who is confident and then model their behavior, their beliefs and their actions.

I don’t believe that to be true.  If I model someone else, then I am not being true to myself – in fact I will no longer be myself and in the end that only leads to dissatisfaction and disillusionment. 

So to gain confidence in myself I had to first find out who I was.  I spent time with myself, learning what I liked and didn’t like, learning how I reacted in various situations and taking some classes to help facilitate my understanding of myself.  I found out quite a bit about myself – my strengths and my weaknesses.  Using this information I am now able to map out those things that I want to change and those things that I want to expand upon.  I can make a plan on how I want to be in a year, 5 years, 10 years.  My next step is to just do it – take some small step towards reaching my goal.  I want to be a better mother, to have a closer relationship with my children, thus I am going to take a break from my schooling in order to spend more time with my children.  All of us love jigsaw puzzles so I’ve picked out one already and we are going to begin this week – putting together the puzzle as we talk about the day’s events.  Just being there with them more will be a good first step in developing a better relationship.

So I’m not going to model someone else’s behaviors, I’m going to strike out on my own and develop my own set of behaviors by which I want to live.  

Life Commandments

It came to my attention last night that I have been taught throughout my life that my opinions are not valued.  We were doing some communication exercises, one in which I was the “speaker” so I was talking about my childhood fear of bees.  I kept repeating throughout my story of how it was an irrational fear and that statement was questioned by the “listener”.  He wanted to know why I thought it was an irrational fear when I had told him that I got stung a lot as a child – that question made me stop and think, why did I call it an irrational fear?  And then it dawned on me that my parents had told me over and over again that my fear of bees was irrational, told me this so often that I came to believe it even to this day. This belief that I have been taught is what is termed a life commandment – something that I live my life by to some degree.  Some life commandments are good, such as being taught to brush your teeth morning and night, but others like the above example can be damaging and cause us to question who we are.  The key is to learn to recognize these life commandments, sort the good from the bad, and then break the bad ones.  I don’t know yet how I will tackle breaking the life commandment that has taught me that my opinions have no value, but it is good that I now recognize it as an incorrect belief.  And as I tackle this one, perhaps I will be able to uncover more life commandments that need to be modified, one step at a time.

Innovators and Ritualists

According to Robert Merton, an American sociologist of the early twentieth century, societies have socially acceptable goals and the acceptable means to reach these goals.  However, there are those subgroups that are not able to use the means to reach the goals, thus they become innovators in order to reach the goals.  In this case an innovator is not what we have come to expect, but rather is someone who found a way to reach the goal through non-acceptable means, and I find this to be a very apt description of who an innovator truly is.  Let’s take this into the workplace….

Many companies say they value innovation, and there are some that truly do value innovation for it is with innovation that comes new ways, often more efficient ways of reaching a desired goal such as an increase in the customer base.  But most companies do not encourage innovation and will in fact reprimand those who attempt to be innovative.  I cannot even begin to name the number of times that I brought an idea before management only to be verbally patted on the head and told to go do my “real” job.   

Merton goes on to talk about those who follow the means to reach a goal without really caring about the goal itself, and labels these people as ritualists.  I propose that those companies who say they value innovation but do not actively pursue employees who can be innovators are in fact ritualists.  They come into the office each morning doing the same things they have done every day, spinning their wheels and wondering why their customer base is dwindling.  They may in fact even change an aspect of their daily work habits thinking that they are innovative but in fact they are standing still and digging themselves deeper into the same rut. 

Being innovative means to find new ways, currently unacceptable ways, to reach the desired goal.  If a company really wants to be innovative perhaps they should enable their employees to be innovative rather than squashing the passion and desire to excel.

Change is a myth

I’m told that like it or not change is a part of today’s business climate and for those who do not embrace change there is always unemployment.  I say phooey!  What is seen in so many businesses is the exact opposite – no change.  Oh, they may move a department here and a re-assign a person there but that is not change that is making busy work.  But if this is true, then why are there so many people eager to say that the business climate is constantly changing and we all have to jump on board?  I believe it is because what little change there is is not communicated down through the ranks so that even the smallest movement of perceived change is like a huge tidal wave crashing over everyone in the company.  If no one talks to you about how moving you to a different department will benefit the company, then the perceived change is going to be HUGE, even though no real change has occurred.  So instead of a company spinning its wheels and paying a fortune for someone to teach them how to change, why not take the time to teach the employees how change can make a difference?  Once that is accomplished the majority of the company will be willing to jump on the bandwagon of change and instead of a bumpy ride it will be relatively smooth sailing. 

Empathy and Sociological Imagination

Marketing begins with empathy which in turn begins with sociological imagination.  In order to empathize with someone, we need to be able to imagine what it’s like to be them – not just to be in their shoes, but to really be them.  What are their beliefs, their fears, and their culture.  Understanding where someone is coming from enables us to look beyond ourselves, to reach the other person, and to connect to that person. This imagination, this attempt to understand where someone else is coming from is called sociological imagination and can enable us to successfully interact with other people who are not from our own culture.  It is something that marketers the world over must do before they even think about selling a product, a service, or even themselves.  So, to bring this full circle, to successfully sell to another person, we must first be able to reach that person.  To successfully reach that person we must be able to imagine what it must be like to be that person – and that, my friend, is what empathy is all about. 

Because, because, because (or how I got where I am)

Because, because, because.  Not too long ago a friend gave a speech about how things have happened because other things had happened.  It got me to thinking about my own life, and what I realized was that while people throughout my life might have said that I made some poor choices, I am where I am because of those choices.  I would never say that going through a divorce was easy, but I would never have made it to the place I am in now without having gone through divorce.  And I would not have gone through divorce if I had not decided I didn't know what to do with my life so I was going to join the Army.  And I never would have decided to join the Army if I hadn't been dissatisfied with my life.  See?  All those years ago, because I was dissatisfied I ended up in an emotionally and spiritually better place. 

A little story that he told, one that he had in turn heard from somewhere else was along these lines:

In a small village there was a man who owned a horse.  Everyone in the village told him how fortunate he was because he could do so much more farming, thus make more money.  All the man said in reply was "we'll see". Not too long later, the man's son was attempting to ride the horse, when the horse threw him and he broke his leg.  Now the villagers told the  man how sorry they were that he owned the horse since it caused his son such pain.  All the man said was "we'll see".  A week later the army came through the village conscripting all young able-bodied men, but because the son had a broken leg, he was not conscripted.  At this the villagers told him how lucky he was that his son had broken his leg.  All the man said was "we'll see". 

There is more to the story, but you get the gist of it now.  The point is that good or bad it doesn't really matter.  What happens is what happens and will determine the choices that you will have to make down the road.  These choices is what will determine the kind of person you are.  It's not that everything happens for a reason as some people would point out.  Its more that when everything happens, it inevitably leads to other things that can then happen.

Almost 6 months ago I was told that I would become a Software Trainer or I would need to find a new job.  I was devastated because as a Software Trainer I would be required to travel 50 - 75% of every month.  As a single mom with 4 kids, that much travelling is just not feasible, but how would I support the family if I quit?  I didn't know what to do, but after talking to the kids, I thought that I would give it a few months and then see where I was at that time.  It's a good thing that I did wait, because a few months after that my whole department was moved under a different VP.  This one was very interested in having me set up an online training program which I will head up.  This means that I won't have to travel at all!  I really enjoy working with people, talking to them, and helping them to learn the software.  Because of the forced move, I was able to do something that I really enjoy without the negative consequences.

So the next time I want to cry because some terrible thing is happening to me, I can think of the man in the village and tell myself "we'll see". 

Line Dancing for Left-footed people

I went to line dancing lessons this afternoon.  I didn't really know what to expect, but I knew enough to know that line dancing is not just country music, but includes everything from oldies to the latest rock.  Needless to say I had a blast tripping over my own feet. For most of the dances, I am suppose to start out with my right foot, but I instinctively keep wanting to lead with my left foot, so then I'm off the rest of the dance and it's almost impossible to get caught up again.  There is something about turning during the steps that just throws me off balance. I can just picture myself falling over in the middle of the dance floor, lol.  What a riot! I think the hardest part was the steps where I was required to cross over my feet.  Ugh! Trying to watch the instructors and at the same time listening to their words - "now to the right, step, step, touch. And back, one, two, three. Now left vine" - it is a lot more work than I thought it would be.  After 30 minutes I was downing water like I just came in from the desert.  

Part of the fun was watching everyone else trying to figure out the steps, although there was one woman there, she was just bouncing all over the place with nary a misstep in sight.   some people are born with happy feet and some of us aren't so lucky.  I can't wait till the next lesson!  I can just hear the instructors now "Tonia, I said left vine, not right trip", lol. Ah the joys of making a fool of oneself - just goes to show how much fun new experiences can be. 

Thank you

10 years ago I never thought I would be where I am today.  I never thought it would be better or worse, just that it would be.  Life is constantly changing, constantly evolving, and we change right along with it.  10 years ago I only had 2 children and thought I would be married forever.  10 years ago I thought that I would be in my dream job.  10 years ago I didn't understand the pain of losing my dad, going through a divorce, or trying to do a job where my ideas aren't wanted.  But at the same time, 10 years ago I didn't know such wonderful people, I didn't understand the joy that comes with raising small children again. I didn't understand how as children grow, they become more like friends - ones that you can joke with, have fun with, cry with, and that will always understand your weird ideas.  10 years ago I hadn't yet had the experiences that have put me on the path to my dream job.  I didn't understand that through pain comes the joy of being able to help someone else, and of knowing that I can make it on my own and be ok. 

So if you ask me if I would ever want to go back and redo the last 10 years, my answer would be no.  For every pain I have had joy, for every tear I have had laughter, for every experience I have gained wisdom and I wouldn't give any of it up.  I appreciate the past for the experiences it has given me, I look towards the future that I am building for myself, and I simply enjoy the present for never again will this exact moment ever be repeated. 

And because of all of this, I want to thank some of the people I consider my greatest friends.  They accepted me for who I am, and stayed by my side during the roughest moments of my life.  Thank you Rachel, James, Jeff, Wendy, Nick.  Thank you D&S for showing me the power of listening to another person, without question, hesitation, or condemnation.  Thank you Bob, Angela, Tiffany, Mickey, Joe, Bev, Terri, and Donna.  For without you I would still be floundering in the waves.